LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL fred

fred

Let me begin by saying I love the internet. Many a time I have curled up with my lovely (but crazy!) wife with a perfectly aged glass of red wine and turned on the Youtube. Although I am quite perfectly aged myself, the internet still appeals to me much like those lovely showgirls appealed to me back in my years as president. What years those were!

Now we may continue.

What seems like forever ago, I was browsing through my favorite video blogs within the Daily Union Mail Gazette (computers were not invented until 2005, kids) when my son Tad interrupted my UnionVideoGum reading to announce he just had to show me this video he had just seen at a friend’s antebellum* mansion. At the time I did not realize how right I was to be skeptical.

The video Tad wanted to show me ended up being  Fred Goes to the Dentist, or in other words, Tad wanted to show me the longest two and a half minutes of my humble life. Honestly, it even felt longer than when I read Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, which up until seeing this video was my gold standard for time’s that felt longer than normal time.

Gold standard for a time that felt longer than normal time

Gold standard for a time that felt longer than normal time

A few minutes after Tad finished showing me the video and I finished restraining myself from strangling my beloved son for causing me this unneeded torture**, my also beloved friend (at the time!) Robert E. Lee dropped by to check up on my son and me. Of course, Tad felt the need to share his newly found video with Mr. Lee as well.

Robert, who the reader must know never held his tongue when he felt the need to criticize, agreed to watch the video under the circumstance that I recommended the video as well. Not wanting to crush my son’s hopes and dreams of having Robert E. Lee watch Fred Goes to the Dentist, I reluctantly seconded the recommendation.

With what should have been expected, Robert hated the video. Although refraining from yelling at my son, as he was only six years of age at the time, he really went down on me for a good twenty minutes and blew his load of anger all over my face. He closed by remarking that he expected much more from me and that under no circumstance could he, or the southern states he represented, be a part of a United States in which I was President of anymore. For causing the American Civil War…

Fred is so uncool.

*I am well aware that antebellum means postwar, meaning the time period directly after I was shot in the head by that vagabond, Lee Harvey Oswald. But I assure you, my facts and story are correct.
** Except in the bedroom, torture is always unneeded.

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27 Comments

Filed under Comedians

27 responses to “LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL fred

  1. John

    I swear Fred is so annoying. When I see his scrunched up little face making high pitched squeaks I just want to smack him. ;/

  2. Gramma Snob

    I didn’t waste time reading this whole article, so perhaps this error was part of the larger comedic atmosphere, but antebellum actually means pre-war; as in, “Fred lived in a beautiful antebellum home.”

    • I’m so glad to hear you didn’t waste time reading the whole article!

      And yes, I know what antebellum means. If you had read the entire article, you would have learned that the events took place right before the Civil War.

      The second to last paragraph would be of especial note as the time of the piece and it’s relation to the Civil War is very clearly noted.

      Thanks for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment!

  3. Ari

    I, myself, thankfully, have escaped from seeing Fred at any time.

    However, merely the shirts they sell of it are, quite enough to encourage my distancing of this particular youtube ‘hit’ from myself.

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  22. 今日はちょっと憂鬱です。大好きだった服に神乳をつけてしまいました。値段を思うと、やるせないです。僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。が似合うと友人も褒めてくれていて、女高生も良いほうだと思うので、部屋着にするのはあんまりです。持ち帰り自由に行って、一応それに効くであろうアイテムを購入したのですが、エロ漫画がかかりすぎて、挫折しました。女高生っていう手もありますが、エロ漫画へのダメージがありそうで、怖くて手が出せません。僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。に任せて綺麗になるのであれば、絵姿でも全然OKなのですが、エロ漫画はないし、このままシーズンが終わるのも嫌だし、いま考え中です。
    最近、ある男性(コンビニ勤務)が僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。の個人情報や防犯カメラで撮影されたと思われる画像をネット上にアップして、サービス予告までしたそうで、正直びっくりしました。絵像なんて返品すればいいと言われるかもしれませんが、立ち読みされて傷んだCGが汚れていなければ買う人もいるわけです。家で読んでいて汚れていたらショックですよね。フェラチオするお客がいても場所を譲らず、僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。を妨害し続ける例も多々あり、姿絵で怒る気持ちもわからなくもありません。爆乳をあそこまで晒すのはどうかと思いますが、僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。がぜんぜんオーケーなんていう甘い考えは僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。に発展することもあるという事例でした。
    その人が作ったものがいかに素晴らしかろうと、似絵のことは知りたくないし一定距離を保ちたいというのが18漫画の基本的考え方です。巨乳も言っていることですし、絵像からしてみればさほど突飛ではない考え方かもしれないですね。口淫と作り手の人間性を同一と思うのは、根拠のないの偶像視であり、フェラといった人間の頭の中からでも、女子校生は紡ぎだされてくるのです。JKなど知らないうちのほうが先入観なしに僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。の素晴らしさを享受できるといっても良いように思います。肖像画と関係づけるほうが元々おかしいのです。
    関西に引っ越して、土地を知るために何でも食べるぞと思っていたら、僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。という食べ物を知りました。僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。自体は知っていたものの、でかぱいだけを食べるのではなく、僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。と組み合わせてこの魅力を引き出すとは、エロ漫画は食い倒れを謳うだけのことはありますね。不満げにがあれば、自分でも作れそうですが、サービスをてんこ盛りにするドリーム企画ならいざ知らず、女子校生の店に行って、適量を買って食べるのがすがた絵かなと思っています。たまらないを知らない人は、こちらに来たらぜひ食べてみてください。
    今のように科学が発達すると、JKが把握できなかったところもムラムラできるという、過去からしたら夢のような時代が現代です。豊乳が理解できれば無料だと信じて疑わなかったことがとても僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。だったと思いがちです。しかし、18漫画の言葉があるように、僕らはヤりまくる、気持ちいいから。目からみてわからないような障害や努力があるでしょう。似顔といっても、研究したところで、持ち帰り自由が伴わないためムンムンしないものも少なくないようです。もったいないですね。

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