Category Archives: Comedians

LINCOLNS SAYS UNCOOL jay leno

jay leno

Jay Leno recently invited Mary Todd and me to a personal dinner in Los Angeles, an invitation that we were baffled to receive but accepted anyways. Even though neither Mary Todd nor myself were fans of his, we figured it would be rude to turn the offer down, and we like to think that we are not rude people like Stonewall Jackson’s family.

We arrived at the restaurant, which admittedly was very nice, a few minutes after Leno apparently had arrived. When we walked through the door he greeted us with a smug smile and told us he had already scoped out the best table in the house. So we followed him into the restaurant, eventually stopping at a table that was occupied by Conan O’Brien. Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Comedians, Television Personalities

LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL carlos mencia

carlos mencia

Attending an episode of Mind of Mencia has to be one of the oddest experiences I have ever encoutnered.

We arrived at our seats in the front row (I do not trust the back row anymore)* about a half an hour before the show started, as Mary Todd heard there would be pre-show banter that she did not want to miss. This ended up being partially true as Carlos Mencia did get up on stage to talk to the crowd, but I would hardly call what he did banter. Instead of some actual jokes to get the night started on the right foot, he went down the line of members of the front row and insulted each and every one of us.

On second thought, perhaps the word “insulted” would be too much of a compliment and an inaccuracy for what he actually did. Continue reading

12 Comments

Filed under Comedians

LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL fred

fred

Let me begin by saying I love the internet. Many a time I have curled up with my lovely (but crazy!) wife with a perfectly aged glass of red wine and turned on the Youtube. Although I am quite perfectly aged myself, the internet still appeals to me much like those lovely showgirls appealed to me back in my years as president. What years those were!

Now we may continue.

What seems like forever ago, I was browsing through my favorite video blogs within the Daily Union Mail Gazette (computers were not invented until 2005, kids) when my son Tad interrupted my UnionVideoGum reading to announce he just had to show me this video he had just seen at a friend’s antebellum* mansion. At the time I did not realize how right I was to be skeptical.

The video Tad wanted to show me ended up beingĀ  Fred Goes to the Dentist, or in other words, Tad wanted to show me the longest two and a half minutes of my humble life. Honestly, it even felt longer than when I read Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, which up until seeing this video was my gold standard for time’s that felt longer than normal time. Continue reading

25 Comments

Filed under Comedians

LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL dane cook

dane cook monkey

I first encountered the comedic attempts of Dane Cook while attempting to quickly shuffle past the fraternity house located on the street of my dear friend Ulysses S. Grant’s humble abode who I was attempting to visit. Before I could get past the entirety of the fraternity front lawn, I heard a deep and drunken call directed towards my location.

“Hey! Hey, you! You need to get off the street and come in here to listen to Daney Dane’s new special, you dumbass. It only premiers once!”

Never one to refuse an invitation (due to my violent obsessive compulsive disorder) I reluctantly followed the fratboy inside to listen to “Daney Dane.”

Although I could elaborate on what a repulsive shape the fraternity house was kept in and how every piece of furniture smelled of semen, that would be beside the point.

Continue reading

44 Comments

Filed under Comedians