Category Archives: Actors

LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL cuba gooding jr.


Recently Mary Todd was reading one of those women magazines, Women Magazine for Women, and came across a challenge that forces you to make new friends. Although I assured my wife that we have plenty of friends, Mary Todd persisted and decided to do the challenge. After this decision of hers, she proceeded to roll around on the ground hissing for a good thirty minutes in an unrelated matter, but this is besides the point.

The challenge that this women’s magazine had proposed was to go to your local supermarket and invite one random person over for dinner that night. It was advised to look respectable while doing so as not to be confused for a rapist/poor “person.”

In the end, in a surprise that was completely accidental, Mary Todd brought home Cuba Gooding Jr. from the supermarket. Continue reading



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Since it is always the same story with rude people…

foxpaltrow flower Continue reading


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Recently Mary Todd won a contest hosted by CBS where the prize was that the winner and one friend could spend the day with Charlie Sheen at his mansion. Although this did not seem like much of a prize and more of a burden than anything else to me, I agreed to go besides my doubts as a long time ago I did make a promise to follow Mary Todd through sickness and in health. I was and still am pretty sure that Charlie Sheen’s mansion is the earthly equivalent of sickness.

We arrived at his house at nine in the morning, just as were instructed to. The doorbell ended up being very sticky but at least it worked. Charlie Sheen eventually answered the door with a glass of Vodka in one hand and a bowling ball in the other.* He was shaking a bit.

There was a dead prostitute lying on the couch directly behind him. Continue reading


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