Somewhat recently, I had the pleasure of riding with my son by horse and carriage (the only form of transportation at the time, kids. Riding on top of a horse wasn’t invented until 1937 and the invention of walking wasn’t even until 1958!) to Comic-Con 2009 in San Diego. Although I knew riding by horse and carriage all the way from our humble Illinois home would be a bit arduous, Tad had been nagging me to take him so he could see the new Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day trailer for quite some time, and luckily for him I knew nothing of Boondock Saints I: Many, But Not Quite All of the Saints Day.
Many troubles befell our humble group of travellers, as we made our way through river and spontaneous frost storm, all in the hopes that some day we would reach Oregon alive (where San Diego is located). We started our trek with a group of five; Tad, myself, and a small tourist group from Slovakia (a man, a woman, and one that really could have gone either way). Unfortunately, the Slovakians were not cut out for the trail and did not make it through the trip. Granted they did end up making it to Legoland, but the loss still weighed heavily on my heart for many days to come.
In any case, we eventually made it to San Diego, Oregon for Comic-Con 2009 without too many scars (I did have a giant hole in my head, but that was from an unrelated matter). After going through the extensive security process (no actual super villains allowed. Such as Glenn Beck) we horse and carriaged around a bit and eventually Tad found and pointed out the theater where they were showing the new trailer. I suggested we go inside as it was starting soon, and so we did.
Tad- “I have found the theatre where they are showing the new trailer, and now I am pointing it out to you.”
Myself- “The trailer is starting soon, so I suggest we go inside.”
And so we did.
At first I figured our featured presentation would be led into by trailers of other movies coming out soon, but then I realized that was an uneducated guess. There weren’t going to be trailers leading into a trailer! Sometimes I really am a laugh and a half/two laughs!
So the trailer began (with no pre-feature trailers) and at some point it was over and I was a bit more depressed than I was before I had seen this lowpoint in human culture. The rest of the crowd, however, did not seem to share in my sentiments. I could tell they were not as depressed as me by the way they were all slappin’ some hand with their fellow bros and telling each other, often four to five times each, how killer that trailer was. These two signs, when put together, usually mean the crowd enjoyed itself.
Tad was no exception to the hysteria that had swept the room. In fact, he may have loved the trailer most of all.
Tad- “Hey everybody! Let’s go out into the hall and laugh at the kids who decided to go see the New Moon trailer that clearly was inferior to what we just saw!”
Although his announcement to the room was rather long, and the crowd’s attention span was presumably pretty short, Tad still managed to incite a ra ra riot.
When we arrived in the outside hall, we realized that the New Moon kids had had a similar idea. They were all waiting, dressed in vampire attire, and ready to argue.
New Moon kids- “The trailer we just saw was good!”
Boondock Saints kids- “The trailer we just saw was better!”
New Moon kids- “False.”
Boondock Saints kids- “Double false.”
As this re-creation of the dialogue makes apparent, the situation was escalating fast. Unfortunately, so fast that even Andrew Jackson, who was an Olympic runner back in high school, couldn’t have kept up.
Tad was the first victim to be victimized. A mother of a New Moon kid felt the need to impress her daughter and therefore finally win acceptance into her twelve year old’s life, so, in desperation, she pretended to be a vampire and bit my son.
Twilight Mom (to her daugther)- “Can I find out if you like boys yet now since we relate on so many levels.”
New Moon kid- “Mom, you can’t even name all three Jonas Brothers!”
Twilight Mom- “But I can learn!”
New Moon kid- “Whatever…”
For leading to a series of events that ended with my son being bitten by a Twilight Mom…
Boondocks Saints II: All Saints Day Trailer is so uncool.