LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL three oh! three


Young Tad introduced this band to me as we were riding our horses* to the local arcade and listening to the radio. Although I usually listen to NPR, whenever riding the ole’ mustang with Tad we listen to Tad’s favorite pop station, HOT 99.5 (which, mathematically, is the relative opposite of NPR).

This band, 3OH!3, is played constantly upon Tad’s favorite station, with their most popular song, “Don’t Trust Me” playing at least twice every ten minutes. So for the forty-five minutes it takes us to ride our mustang to the arcade, the song plays at least eight times. Although I have heard some terrible sounds in my day (usually emanating from Mary Todd’s throat when she’s going through one of her crazy spells)** this song is in a class of it’s own.

Just a few things Mary Todd has sounded like

Just a few things Mary Todd has sounded like

Although the song has many flaws such as; strong basis on novelty, reliance on an old and boring pop format, and the overall fact that the members of the band seem like awful and unrelatable people, there is one part of the song that really makes me angry every time Tad and my humble self listen to it on our way to the arcade.

3OH!3-“Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.”

On one hand, perhaps the command to stop talking is because they are afraid of the inevitable criticism that should automatically follow a song such as this. But on the other, and more serious hand,*** Helen Keller is far too good of a person and a friend to be so horribly trashed in this piece of garbage.

Helen Keller has always been a good friend

Helen Keller has always been a good friend

3OH!3 is so uncool.

*As I’ve stated before, horses were the only means of transportation back in my day, kids. Not even walking was invented until 1922!
**Which is more often than not.


Serious hand

Serious hand


Filed under Musicians

8 responses to “LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL three oh! three

  1. VERY funny post — I’m an NPR guy myself but always appreciate it when my son gets in the car and gives me some different perspectives

  2. codesowise

    Funny Post Dude. I Love Your Blog… And Thanks For Downloading Me Music. I Would Love to See A Post About My Music in Here one Day. And Get My Very Own Lincoln Hat… ooo that would be so dope. I Really Want that Hat. lol But i Really Love your BLog. Keep it Up Dude

    • you wish to be labeled as uncool? i suppose that labeling by the right people can have adverse effects and actually make you cool. unfortunately i do not believe i am the right people for that job

  3. Dude, this is hilarious. Lincoln is one smart guy because girls who listen to 3 Oh! 3 have vaginas the size of tree trunks.

  4. in an odd twist of fate guys who listen to 3 oh 3 also have vaginas the size of tree trunks

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