Tag Archives: cars

LINCOLNS SAYS UNCOOL jay leno

jay leno

Jay Leno recently invited Mary Todd and me to a personal dinner in Los Angeles, an invitation that we were baffled to receive but accepted anyways. Even though neither Mary Todd nor myself were fans of his, we figured it would be rude to turn the offer down, and we like to think that we are not rude people like Stonewall Jackson’s family.

We arrived at the restaurant, which admittedly was very nice, a few minutes after Leno apparently had arrived. When we walked through the door he greeted us with a smug smile and told us he had already scoped out the best table in the house. So we followed him into the restaurant, eventually stopping at a table that was occupied by Conan O’Brien. Continue reading

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Filed under Comedians, Television Personalities

LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL michael bay

micahel bay

Michael Bay first made his appearance into my life when my better (and crazier) half, Mary Todd, decided to audition to play a role in his upcoming rendition of the once popular animated show Transformers. Although Megan Fox ended up getting the part, Mary Todd still had to go through quite the ordeal through the course of her audition. Here’s what I remember.

We showed up at Mr. Bay’s house at three in the morning, as requested, and waited at his doorstep to be let in. Eventually, after making us wait for a good twenty minutes (I suggested we leave, but Mary Todd really wanted this opportunity), he arrived at the door wearing a distressed leather jacket and golden aviators (even though the sun was hours from rising) and waved us to the back of the house. The man was standing less than a foot away from us, knew he had kept us waiting, and did not feel the need to even audibly say let us go out back, rather he just waved. Although I was already in a mood much like when I found out Robert E. Lee was going to betray me,* Mary Todd was still ecstatic to audition for her hero, so I kept my mouth shut.

Out back, there was an apple red Ferrari parked upon an almost beautiful stone driveway (when looked at closely, the stones were in the pattern of the Mountain Dew logo, a fact that still confuses me) with a wooden porch looming a couple stories overhead. Mr. Bay was on the porch, staring down at us. His staring continued for a good thirty seconds. After that was thankfully over, he instructed Mary Todd, who I cannot reiterate enough is crazy, to strip to only a bra and underwear and begin washing his Ferrari. Although I wanted to object with every molecule in my humble and long-legged body, I knew how much this meant to Mary Todd. Continue reading

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