Mary Todd and myself recently made an appearance at a house party down the street. Although most of the party goers were college kids, we felt the need to go as the host, Benjamin Franklin, is such a dear friend of ours. Also, because Benjamin Franklin knows how to throw a “whirley” (is that what the kids are saying these days) party and Mary Todd and I were ready to go a bit CRAZY (well Mary Todd is always crazy but I feel the point still makes sense).
When we arrived, most of the attendees were already wasted, which was fine, but also awkward to navigate around in the attempt to find Benjamin. After about five minutes of searching without any luck, Mary Todd and myself settled on to neighboring barstools at the bar Benjamin had in his basement.
I tried to start up a conversation with Mary Todd about how much Benjamin’s basement had changed since our last visit – for example I did not recall there being scantily dressed twenty somethings doused in glitter and makeup locked up in cages hanging from the ceiling and dancing quite seductively, but who knows I may be wrong – but Mary Todd was in her own world.
After observing the scenery for awhile and throwing down some virgin martinis (I said I was going to go crazy. They’re so cold!) a frat boy in a sleeveless t-shirt came up to Mary Todd.
Sleeveless shirt wearer-“Hey want to get out of here, and by out of here I mean an upstairs bedroom?”
Mary Todd-“Bark! Bark! (she was barking like a dog) Bark!”
Sleeveless shirt wearer-“Oh wow, already getting into character. I like that.”
As she is my wife, I felt the need to intervene. When I told the kid that she was with me he just laughed.
Sleeveless shirt wearer-“This guy? Really? Hey, look at my muscles. That’s what you want to be with.”
Mary Todd-“Vrooooom! Vroom! Vrooooom! (she was impersonating a racecar now)”
Myself-“Really you should go.”
Sleeveless shirt wearer-“Nah, man. We’ve got so much in common. I’ve got muscles and she wants them. She’s with me now.”
Mary Todd-“Bloop. Bloop. (water dripping).”
Just then, Benjamin Franklin came riding down the stairs on a bicycle with a tie wrapped around his head. As he was drunk out of his mind, he forgot to stop and slammed into the sleevless shirt wearing nuisance causing the kid to pass out because that’s just how it works.*
Myself-“This has been quite the party, Benjamin.”
But he didn’t hear me, as he had just been invited to take a shot off some college girl’s body. As I said, Benjamin knows how to throw a whirley party.
For being worn by awful people…
Sleeveless t-shirts are so uncool.