LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL the ugly truth

the ugly truth

Since my horribly unsatisfactory experience at the Ford Theater so many years ago,* all theaters across the country have agreed to let me in for free, therefore allowing me to see pretty much every movie. Unfortunately, even “free” is not a good deal sometimes.

To be fair, the trauma this movie caused me is partly my fault, as I should have known what I was getting into when I saw the movie posters. As seen above, the poster features the insufferable Katherine Heigl holding a heart in a manner that seems to say, “I’m a thirty year old woman that’s just looking for love in this world but am also pretty hilarious. Right other ladies!.” And where is the heart placed on Gerard Butler’s body? Upon his genitals! HILARIOUS!!! I can relate to this poster as I too have noticed how woman just want to be loved and guys are just dirty human beings looking for sex.***

This is what guys are like

This is what guys are like

So, although I believe it goes without saying, this movie is one of the most annoying movies I have ever seen. Definitely not as annoying as the home video Mary Todd made a few years ago that solely involved her rolling around on the ground with a bunch of stuffed animals while yelping obscenities (I really should get her help) but it came close. At least Mary Todd’s video did not cost millions of dollars to make.

Somewhat fearing I would not survive alone, I attended the showing with my good friend Ulysses S. Grant, who coincidentally also kind of looks like Gerard Butler.**** Even though he basically was watching himself up there on the screen the whole time (certainly not in personality), even he could not relate.

So I have come to a conclusion. Due to the fact that neither Ulysses nor myself (two whole people, well with not counting the hole in my head I’m basically a whole person) could relate to this movie, this means that noone could relate to this movie. I believe that math is correct.

She knows whats up

She knows what's up

The Ugly Truth is so uncool.

*One might assume this refers to when I was assasinated in the back of the head by John Wilkes Booth, but actually that wasn’t too bad. The experience I am referring to here was far worse and actually so scarring that I do not want to even mention what happened.**
**Alright fine…Andrew Jackson money shotted in my face. Happy?
***Not hilarious. Can not relate.
****grant

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7 Comments

Filed under Movies

7 responses to “LINCOLN SAYS UNCOOL the ugly truth

  1. thanks for visiting my blog, its a lovely blog you have here too. keep it up.

  2. Hahaha πŸ™‚ Hilarious blog post.
    I haven’t seen that movie although my friend mentioned that we should go see it!

    Well I guess that’s not gonna work out any more. Haha.

    Thank you for sharing and I love your blog theme πŸ™‚ It’s cool.

    Take care,
    Ingrid

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  4. The 2nd post I’ve read here and the 2nd time I’ve left satisfied that their ARE some intelligent and funny writers on the internets.

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  5. Geez Lincoln WTF were you thinking? Hello, friggin chick flick for starters. Isn’t this why the civil war started in the first place, woman should be seen and not heard? Careful or you maybe un-cooled πŸ™‚

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